Are you trying to figure out how to start over and rebuild your relationship after discovering infidelity in marriage?
Maybe you've decided after a lot of soul-searching, that the best thing for you to do is to try to save your marriage. You want to overcome the infidelity crisis in your relationship.
Only you know what is right for you and your situation.
Want to see if you can overcome infidelity in marriage?
Read on for my 3 tips to help you get started, (plus I have some really good books to share that can help you effectively rebuild your relationship) . . .
I think you already know it's going to take a tremendous amount of effort, personal growth, emotional maturity, and the permanent end of his deception for you both to be successful repairing your marriage.
This is challenging work on so many different levels.
Winging it, or simply hoping for the best will not work.
You need a very structured plan for healing and overcoming infidelity.
Lets talk about how to you can get started.
Tip 1 | Understand that the marriage you had is completely over. There is no going back to the way things were.
The fact that your old marriage is over is one of the biggest reasons why you are faced with grief.
You've lost something incredibly valuable and important to your heart - his fidelity, and so much more.
You may find yourself wanting things to go back to the way they use to be - to a time in your marriage when you were happy. The time before you discovered his infidelity.
I know I had those same feelings in my previous marriage so many times.
But the truth is, you can't go back to the way things use to be.
And you shouldn't try to.
You don't have a secure relationship foundation to stand on. It has all been shattered by his deception.
You will need to create a brand new foundation and marriage.
If you are successful at repairing your relationship, your future marriage will be far better than your marriage was prior to infidelity.
Stronger - Real - Intimate - Deeply Loving - Faithful.
If all goes well, your marriage will have more depth and intimacy than ever before.
When two people work hard on their personal growth, an amazing marriage is the result.
Tip 2 | In order to deal effectively with infidelity in marriage, you must rebuild the foundation of your relationship from the ground up.
That means learning how to have real communication with each other, using a structured plan for marriage rebuilding, making consistent time for each other, and making sure permanent precautions are set up to avoid future infidelity.
Your marriage must be the #1 priority for this to happen.
It's time to start fresh and lay the foundation for something incredible to blossom between you.
Tip 3 | You both need to be on the same page about repairing your marriage and giving 100% to that effort.
Your marriage will not be rebuilt, or will come crumbling down again, without consistent, ongoing effort, motivation, and action from both of you.
Not only will it take personal growth from both of you, but it will also take two people who want to stay together and share a faithful, long-term marriage.
Not every couple meets this criteria after infidelity.
Make sure you both want the same thing going forward.
If you decide this is what you want in your future, there are excellent resources available to help you rebuild your marriage.
Below, you will find some of my highly recommend books to help you grow your marriage and yourself.
I hope you find these books helpful to you as you attempt to rebuild your heart and marriage after infidelity.
I have read and used all of these books - but especially "Surviving An Affair" and "His Needs Her Needs," by Willard Harley.
They were the foundation of my work with couples in my couples counseling practice.
All of these books are excellent.
I wish you well on your journey towards a better marriage and I hope your dreams of a faithful, loving marriage come true.
Hope and Healing,