Our thoughts have a very powerful influence on how we feel.
This is especially true after experiencing infidelity betrayal.
Our mind stores a memory of all that has happened to us - the good, the bad, and everything in between.
After infidelity shatters your heart, you may find you have repetitive thoughts of what happened that are especially difficult to overcome.
Once a painful thought or memory comes to mind, that thought or memory may play over and over again - to the point where you start to feel so bad, you begin spiraling down into depression or anxiety.
It is also true that having a pleasant thought can boost our mood in a positive direction.
For example, have you ever noticed how amazing you begin to feel after you remember a truly happy memory from your past?
In your mind, you are transported back to that time in your life through your memories.
Whenever I hear the song, “Summer Breeze,” by Seals and Croft, I instantly remember the amazing smell of Orange blossoms surrounding my house.
I think about my first boyfriend and all the fun things I did that Summer.
All of this happens automatically.
If you spend time thinking about your past experiences, you will re-experience the emotions connected with them all over again.
The same process is true for any memory connected with infidelity.
The more you think about it, the more your feelings will be influenced by it and the more you will be transported back to that time when you discovered things that hurt you.
Despite the challenge painful infidelity memories cause us, we do have one thing on our side:
We can use our mind and our thoughts to comfort ourselves, to calm our self down, and to limit the emotional impact these memories have on us.
You have control over how long you choose to think about something - even when it doesn't feel like you do.
Let’s explore 3 ways you can overcome the repetitive, painful memories of infidelity.
Tip 1 | Monitor what you say to yourself about a thought or a memory you are having.
Your thoughts about something influence how you feel.
Remember when I mentioned the sense of joy I feel whenever I hear the song, “Summer Breeze?”
If I replay the memory associated with that song in my mind and remember what was happening back then, it will have a positive affect on my mood.
If I focus on something bad that happened to me from my past, my mood will move in the other direction.
This is especially true if I attach negative thoughts to the memory.
This is because what we focus on, expands.
Tip 2 | Remember that the painful trigger is associated with an intense memory - it is not something that is happening to you in the present moment.
Bring yourself out of your thoughts about the past and back to the present moment by noticing what is all around you in your environment.
This will help prevent continuing down a path of distressing thoughts and memories because now your focus is on the present.
We only have the present moment. Nothing else.
Tip 3 | Replace a distressing thought with a positive one.
It is especially helpful to train yourself to say positive, encouraging things to yourself when you are feeling distressed.
You will need to be your very best friend in the moments when your mind wants to replay distressing thoughts over and over again.
Practice soothing yourself with supportive thoughts when you are upset by something.
Overcoming painful memories of infidelity is supported by:
- Learning how to become more aware of your thoughts and how they influence your feelings.
- Making sure your painful feelings aren't being magnified by your thoughts.
Your ability to think the thoughts you chose to think is where your power is.
Hope and Healing . . .