Are you wondering how to reclaim your self-confidence after discovering infidelity in marriage?
If so, this article was written especially for you.
We are going to look at 4 ways your self-confidence tends to take a hit after infidelity discovery, and 5 ways you can begin reclaiming the self-confident woman you once were.
I know only too well, the huge impact discovering infidelity in marriage can have on every part of a woman's life and heart.
And if there's one thing I know from personal experience, as well as from reading the infidelity grief surveys I've received from the women who visit the BETRAY NO MORE site, it's this:
Losing your self-confidence after discovering infidelity in marriage is a big part of the betrayal process.
In the infidelity grief surveys I received, it was something you told me you could really use some help with.
And it's no wonder.
Lack of self-confidence and feeling like you're "not good enough" can keep you trapped in emotional pain and depression for months, if not years, to come.
Does it ever feel like the spirited woman you once were is now lost?
It's time to find her again.
Let's begin this exploration by looking at the 4 ways your self-confidence can take a really big hit after discovering his infidelity:
- He may imply, or outright tell you that you are flawed, not good enough, or compare you to his affair partner(s.)
- Deep down, you may blame yourself for what happened - which can lead you into the "if only" trap. ie... "If only I had done x, y, or z, he wouldn't have cheated on me."
- Society-at-large tends to question whether a betrayed spouse was somehow lacking or caused the infidelity to happen.
- Then there are the counselors who want you to take some, if not half, of the responsibility for what happened.
Each one of these 4 ways can send your self-confidence spiral downing, causing you to feel bad about yourself.
When I was married to my ex-husband each one of these 4 ways had a negative impact on my self-confidence and sent me into a depression I wasn't able to come out of for years.
Do you want to know what changed all of that and helped me begin to reclaim my self-confidence?
I stopped accepting the blame being directed at me from all directions, including the blame I piled on myself. Like 100%, LET IT GO.
It was a conscious decision to do so.
There were many important turning points in my betrayal recovery and that was certainly one of them.
How liberating it was to unload that burden.
There was another turning point that stands out as being especially powerful.
It was the day I told my ex-husband this:
"From now on you are responsible for your behavior and I am responsible for mine."
Notice how that statement addresses, and refutes all 4 of the ways our self-confidence takes a hit after infidelity?
It basically says, "ENOUGH!" to all of them.
And here was my ex's response to what I said:
"I liked it better when you were responsible." (Meaning, when I felt responsible for what he was doing.)
That was another liberation moment for Roberta!
Now let's look at some alternative ways you can begin viewing his infidelity. Ways that don't place blame on you for things you aren't responsible for:
- Remember that everyone is responsible for their own actions. You had no part in his choices - he didn't consult you.
- He gave himself permission to betray you, over and over again.
- You are only responsible for yourself and your own actions.
- Any blame he directs at you is an attempt to justify to himself what he did.
- Taking the blame for his actions lets him off the hook. He then has no reason to step up.
- Infidelity happens in good marriages.
- Infidelity happens to good women.
Consciously practice letting go of any responsibility you may feel for what he did.
It's time to focus on your healing, and to recover from the heartbreak so you can be happy again.
Here are 5 ways you can begin to reclaim your lost self-confidence and the woman you once were:
- Take responsibility for your own happiness. What brings you joy? Do more of that.
- Focus on your personal healing. Read the books, get the support, write in your journal to process your feelings and grieve. Focus your mind on daily healing.
- Release any responsibility you feel for his actions.
- Take extremely good care of yourself every day - rest, eat right, fill your mind with positive gratitude for how far you have come and how courageous you are.
- Believe in yourself.
I truly hope what I had to share with you was helpful.
I know the heavy burden of carrying around responsibility for something you had no choice in.
Work on releasing it from your heart and be free, beautiful betrayal warrior.
Hope and Healing . . .