I wouldn't be a responsible person if I didn't talk to you about how important it is to have a freedom plan in place after discovering his infidelity - one that will allow you to leave the relationship if you want to.
A freedom plan is important whether you plan to stay with him or not.
Without the ability to stand on your own two feet in the future, you are putting yourself in a very risky situation - one that could cause problems for you in the future.
I tell you this because I've been where you are.
I have the vantage point of looking back at my choices and experiences after discovering betrayal and infidelity in my previous marriage.
I see the places where I made mistakes and the places where I made the right decisions.
I consider the freedom plan I created after trying to fix my marriage to be one of the smartest things I did.
Here's what I decided to do after discovering his infidelity:
First I tried 6 months of marriage counseling, which ultimately failed.
Then I created a personal freedom plan:
- I stayed in counseling for myself.
- I figured out how much money I needed each month to live comfortably.
- I researched local career and employment options.
- I went back to school and earned my masters in Clinical Psychology.
- I researched the separation, divorce, and child support laws in my state. Nolo Press has a "How To Divorce in California" book that helped with this.
- I talked with a lawyer at a free legal clinic.
- I opened a separate checking account and started saving money.
My primary goal was to have the financial freedom to leave my marriage in the future.
Looking back, I still consider my freedom plan to be one of the best decisions I made.
It allowed me to separate from my ex husband without stressing over whether I could make it on my own with my two kids or not.
My hope for you is that you will consider creating a freedom plan for yourself too - just in case you need it.
Here are 3 reasons why having a freedom plan in place is important - whether you decide to stay with him or not:
1. | He may decide he has "fallen in love" with someone else and plans to end your marriage or relationship in the future.
This can happen even after you have made great efforts and spent many months working on repairing your relationship.
In my work with couples, I've seen this happen.
There are no guarantees when it comes to relationships and this is especially true after a partner chooses to engage in infidelity.
Not every relationship overcomes the infidelity crisis.
And not everyone who chooses infidelity, decides to give it up.
Preparing yourself is the smart thing to do - just in case.
2. | Having a freedom plan in place creates freedom of choice for you.
Having a freedom plan in place means you are not staying with him because you have to.
You are doing so because you want and choose to.
That choice is a really big deal.
A freedom plan allows you to be in the driver seat of your life.
One of the worse things that could happen is having to put up with years of bad behavior or disrespect because you are financially trapped.
3. | You have something to work towards that is positive, empowering, and supports your personal growth.
You can go back to school, increase your skills, or transition into your dream job.
Now is the time to put your self-care in the forefront.
Along the way, the freedom plan will show you just how much value you have and what a capable woman you are.
I don't know about you, but my self-esteem took a very big hit after betrayal.
Investing in myself helped me see that I had value.
Embrace your dreams, free yourself from any financial traps you may be in, and provide yourself with the security to walk away - even if you decide not to.
In the process, you will grow tremendously as a person.
You may find you never have to use your freedom plan and that's ok.
It's still important that you have one in place in case things change for you at some point in the future.
I'd love to hear from you:
Do you have a freedom plan in place?
Are you freely choosing to stay in this relationship, or are you feeling trapped and unable to move forward into a new life?
Hope and healing . . .