Your Betrayal Trauma Is Valid - Your Pain Matters And So Does Your Healing And Recovery.
There are so many ways our experience with betrayal trauma can be invalidated.
This invalidation can come from many different directions:
- A partner or spouse who isn't ready or willing to face what he did.
- A partner or spouse who gaslights.
- Television and media, which tend to glorify infidelity and present it as something that just couldn't be resisted.
- A therapist or counselor who needs a better understanding of what's happening to a betrayed woman, and that her trauma shows up physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
- Those who make excuses for those who betray.
- Insensitive social media comments which smack of blaming the victim.
- And maybe even from our own mind - when we tell ourselves we should have been a better partner or spouse - that this would not have happened if only we had done things the "right" way.
- The stigma attached to disclosing our less than ideal mental health caused by the trauma we've been put through.
It's no wonder we sometimes question the validity of our own experience with personal trauma after betrayal.
But here's the thing: It is a fact that we are built for forming attachments, creating bonds, loving one another, and forming connections.
Research on adult attachment illustrates that trauma occurs when we are faced with the risk of losing those we feel love for:
"Attachment . . . describes and explains the trauma of deprivation, loss, rejection, and abandonment by those we need the most and the enormous impact it has on us."
Betrayal trauma is the result of loss and injury in our love relationship with a partner or spouse.
Despite this, it can be hard to hold on to your truth when there tends to be invalidation around every corner.
Invalidation does not make your experiences or feelings of personal trauma any less valid.
Sometimes it's up to you to hold on to your truth and tune out invalidation.
Believe in yourself.
I want to assure you that your experience with infidelity betrayal trauma matters.
- The trauma you feel is completely valid.
- Your pain and heartbreak matter.
- Even if someone has a situation that is "worse" than yours.
- Even if "it could have been avoided."
- Even if you lock the pain away in your heart and no one else knows about it.
- Even if someone you know is going through something similar and appears to be fine. (Never underestimate the pain someone feels at 3 am in the morning when no one else is around. Some of us keep our pain well hidden from others.)
This is my friendly reminder to continue processing your pain, embrace your recovery, and hold on to your truth.
You are worthy.
Until next time, I wish you hope and healing . . .